Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
