i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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