Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I supernannyed him into submission
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
