i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
