he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
