Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
