I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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