carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
