New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
