you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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