Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
