Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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