everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
