me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
