You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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