You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
