i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
me + whiskey = a bad person
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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