Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
