This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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