Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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