I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
