Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
