I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize