I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Fuck appropriateness.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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