everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
