I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
