I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
