Porn is love you can see.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
