I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
