dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
