My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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