Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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