Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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