I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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