I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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