Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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