I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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