Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
