420 ftw
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You've changed since you got that strap on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
