doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
