How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
