if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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