woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
