I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
