why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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