Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
