I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
