bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have aggressive nipples.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
