he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
