she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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