Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
