Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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