Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
