I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
