Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
