Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
