but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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