apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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