i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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