Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
