Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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