I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
