Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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