I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
