Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
