The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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