meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
