You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
