i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
